Thank God for the beautiful Dawn Eden

I like number "6. Be the Kind of Person You Would Want to Marry".

Excellent column.

It's like I have spent my whole life waiting and I have nothing to show for it. I will never have children at this point. The older I get the more likely it is that I will never marry. None of my siblings is married either. Thanksgiving and Christmas is a hard time for us. We're chaste. We've been chaste. Now what?

To "Lonely" & others,
I teach my children this way of life and hope that they meet their true love. But if you are chaste, Lonely, and you haven't found someone to share your life with, maybe you are looking in the wrong place. Maybe God is calling you to a vocation. You will have a life of greater joy and more love than, unfortunately, many married couples. I try to help my children let God guide them to the life that He wants them to lead. Take some time and pray about it. Maybe he wants you to have hundreds of children as a religious in a school or a needy community, versus just a few biological or adopted. May God bless you, guide you and keep you safe in His arms.

What a great way for us single folks to prepare for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays which can be sometimes be lonely for those of us not coupled cup. Why is our clergy not saying things like this from the pulpit? Is it possible they think we don't need it? They need all of it themselves, of course. You really covered all the bases, Dawn, and reminds me of how I miss seeing you here in NYC. I particularly like #7, Annoy Relatives. Will they ever get over trying to fix us up?

Lonely
I would differ with Mom of 5 just a tad. God could also be calling you to love others as a single non-religious or he could be calling you to a late marriage which is childless or has adoption as part of it since the Church permits those too although some saints mistakenly argued against late marriages but they were over-ridden by the practice of the Church which permits marriage of even the advanced elderly. Read "Crisis of Faith/Crisis of Love" by Trappist abbot, Thomas Keating which is very much about God deliberately delaying to answer prayer in some cases as when Mary and Martha sent for Christ to save Lazarus and Christ deliberately stayed where he was:
Jhn 11:6 "When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he abode two days still in the same place where he was."
And then Martha later threw a dig at Him that had He been on time, He could have saved Lazarus. Christ then proved to both sisters that He is never late even if you think He is late.

Do you realize what you are saying? Because if you did, you would see that your comments are are patronizing, unhelpful, and completely divorced from reality. At least from a single person's perspective. There is nothing inherently good about about being alone all the time. Even if empty lonely decades are are not a waste, they are are a loss, and they're painful. We can't just sit back and say it's God's plan.

If a woman yearning to be a mother has a miscarriage, do you tell her, that's okay, the baby probably would have died anyway, and you can have another one? Or that's okay, you can adopt later? The point is we don't know why the baby died. We also don't know why a given person who desperately wants to be married, is certain of a vocation to that state, and is trying as best as possible to cooperate with providence toward that end, neither overdoing or underdoing it, remains single after living for decades as a not so young adult. Whatever the reason, it's painful, there is loss, and there is grief.

Plus on the broader social level there is crisis in marriage going on. We are not going to address it by pretending that long-term singles are by definition people God hasn't called to marriage. Chastity is wonderful, but the Church institutionally and through its membership needs to do a much better job helping singles cope with loneliness and providing some hope that loneliness, at least in this life, is not forever. JPII taught us that suffering has redemptive power. We can contemplate the mystery of suffering--singleness, disease, unemployment, loss--without assuming that suffering and singleness is a normative condition. Advancing chastity as a social value means there has got to be a lot more work in promoting marriage on a practical level too.

Also with all due respect to Mom and Bill—a life of dedicated or consecrated celibacy really has to be a deliberate choice and a true sacrifice in order for such a vocation to have any meaning. Although I do believe that God can and does use disappointments and difficulties (including loneliness) to draw us closer to him, intentionally renouncing marriage out of love for Christ is something VERY different from pious resignation to un-chosen circumstances.

Dawn: Great article. It’s good to read your writing again!

You and me.

I'm sure you are a Thomas Aquinas fan. Read the below just so you stay humble about your vocation which will not be easy when you blog about it for good reasons and not keep it a secret work for God to be seen only by Him:

"Moreover it happens that some persons bind themselves to that which they do not keep, and some fulfil that to which they have not bound themselves, as in the case of the two sons (Matthew 21:28-30), one of whom when his father said: "Work in my vineyard," answered: "I will not," and "afterwards . . . he went," while the other "answering said: I go . . . and he went not." Wherefore nothing hinders some from being perfect without being in the state of perfection, and some in the state of perfection without being perfect."

Second Part of the Second part /Question 184 / article 4 / “I answer that” section at end of same.

Therefore consecrated virgin, you will never know whether you are better than anyone else in the whole orderly Catholic world simply based on your consecration. A single person who did not will that singleness could well exceed your moral level if the charity within them exceeds yours. In another place Aquinas gives the example of the widow who gave all that she had in the collection so as to show that the extent of the virtue of charity is key and can happen outside of vows while corruption can happen inside of vows as we all know very pointedly recently.

Bill,

In my last post, I was NOT trying to comment on anyone’s subjective level of holiness. I’m well aware that there have been canonized saints from every imaginable circumstance and walk of life.

I just wanted to point out that disappointment in seeking a spouse is not a reason for entering into religious or consecrated life. A vocation to consecrated life is both a renunciation of the good of marriage (which assumes that marriage is considered as a viable option by the person discerning his or her vocation), as well as the positive embracing of a greater good. The Church has never understood the consecrated life to be a “last resort” in any sense, so I think it’s important that we also avoid this erroneous view.

Of course, a person who wanted to marry, but who was unable for whatever reason to do so, can still attain a high degree of sanctity in the context of their un-chosen situation (and possibly may become even holier than many married or consecrated people). But what I am trying to say is that it would be wrong to identify these kinds of circumstances with a vocation to consecrated life.

Consecrated Virgin
But you'll notice if you read me again closely that I only spoke of the possibility of single non-religious life or later in life marriage. So I never urged her into religious life at all... let alone as a last resort since I sensed that she was not moving toward religious life but Mom of 5 was not incorrect to point toward religious life as a possible...knowing how complex each life and vocation can be for some.

Bravo, C.V.

As a Catholic man and long-term single, I gotta say..........

I am soooooooooo tired of being told I am single because God doesn't want me to be married.

There is no vocation to the single life, perpetual bachelorhood, or whatever.

It is only a transitional stage to married life or a consecrated celibate state.

Since I am not called to vowed celibacy, I am still......

waiting.............

and trying to make the most of it.

Lonely and John, I wrote a book about the long-term Single Life and how to find serenity in it. While I was shopping the book around to publishers, I met the man who is now my husband. And when it was accepted, I was on honeymoon. Now I look forward to promoting a book on the Single Life when I am now, uh, married.

There is hope.

My advice is to make peace with God's will for you, whatever it is. It may very well be that only when you're finally at peace with where you are now is when you will meet your future spouse.

How to do that? Prayer. A sense of humour. Letting go and letting God. Keeping your friends close. Making new friends. More prayer.

I'm thinking about you.

And yes, it hurt to be Single for so long, and there were long nights of loneliness, there were times I didn't succeed at what I was doing because I didn't have a supportive spouse beside me, and so, yes, there was loss. And perhaps I will never have children. But in the end I found the love I had hoped for.

I hope you find it too.

Lonely,

The greatest comfort and support to me when I was a long-term Single was my family. Is there a chance you and your siblings could all get together for Christmas with your closest family and any available friends? Even if we never have "families of our own", we often have the family we were born into.

... Please read my article "A Sacrifice Hidden and Silent," online here: http://tinyurl.com/yamnmmo . It addresses Mom of 5 and Bill Bannon's (no doubt well-intended) suggestions directly.

A relevant part of the article appears below, but I hope you read the whole thing for context. Praying for you and commending you to Our Lady. Please pray for me. I too remain unmarried this Thanksgiving--and, in case anyone is reading this who knows someone, am not averse to being fixed up (Reason #7 withstanding).

There have been a lot of beautiful and wise things said here. I'm not sure I can add much but I will remind everyone that our first and most important vocation is that of our baptism - God desires that we all live that out: if we do that alone, we can live a holy life.
Secondly, nonvowed permanent single life definitely is a vocation, otherwise one is effectively saying that all of the following are always in a transitional state:
all those who are widowed,
-those, who, due to mental or physical limitations cannot marry, would not be accepted by a religious community
-those due to youth or a mental deficiency would not be able to reasonably make any sort of vowed commitment
-those who die young
-those who live in very remote places where entrance to religious life is not possible, marriage opportunities are few and travel is not possible
-those who have no desire for children and whom, despite faithful prayer, searching etc have had no attraction/desire to enter into any religious community or no indication of a calling to specific vows
-those whose personal vocation would not allow someone to be very easily in a committed state, whether it be marriage or religious life (perhaps in work that required them to move around a great deal or live in dangerous circumstances)

Thirdly, I will not advocate "chin up, suffering is redemptive" stoicism as an answer any more than I would false hope. I say to pay attention to your desire and what is in front of you - it will tell you something about what you are meant to be doing!

"There is nothing inherently good about about being alone all the time."

You are absolutely right...and my without wanting this to sound in any way as though I'm blaming you, why are you alone ALL the time? Single life does not = alone all the time. I'm single, and I'm definitely not alone all the time!
I make the following as a general statement and not directly aimed at you, Lonely, as I don't know your particular circumstances, but I'm aware that most people don't live their single time well. They do sit around waiting for a "life" to come along - but this NOW is your life!
As a friend of mine said recently when we were discussing this, "Maybe your mission is just to Live" and I do - I don't want to die realizing I've spent my time waiting for something which may never happen. I'd rather spend it being what I am already - a daughter, a sister, a friend, a singer, a dancer...it's so exciting to be a part of so many people's lives and to be able to have encounters and moments that I would never have the freedom to if I were otherwise committed!
I'm not saying busy yourself to avoid feeling lonely - I'm saying commit to the reality you have rather than the one you want, try to live it 100% - adding things to it or taking away if necessary, for that which is under your control - and it will be a richer life, even if there is still pain. Besides, Jesus taught us by His life and example that friends aren't nice things to have around but are a NECESSARY part of living out our Christian walk. THAT is an area where I definitely think the Church must be more encouraging - that doesn't mean providing groups or activities in a formal way, though those can be good, but fostering a sense of community that is truly rooted in caring for each other's destiny. The Communion and Liberation movement has friendship as a central part of its charism.

Great comment, Alisha. You're right: Single life is for LIVING! Life is a continuum from conception to death; it doesn't begin at marriage and end at divorce or widowhood.

...don't disagree with much that's said here...

but the single life is not a sanctified state in the way Holy Orders, marriage, or even widowhood might be.....

...very sensible advice to stay busy, be cheerful, think happy thoughts....

but that still leaves a lot of us feeling unhappy and incomplete between rounds of busy-ness...

there is only so much you can ignore a fundamental longing that is in keeping with God's plan for us....

I see that Seraphic's own wonderful story involved jumping on the marriage bus the minute it (finally) stopped by her door...

the point about C&L, Focolare is a good one....

yet there is no denying that long-term, involuntary singleness comes as a rude shock to family-oriented, traditionally-minded Catholics.

My original point is that being single for a long time doesn't mean you are called to be single forever, which is the charitable advice one often receives from other Catholics who are presumably not single themselves....

...Perhaps there is only one terminal vocation....

It's not unvowed singleness.

Very good.

I see that Seraphic's own wonderful story involved jumping on the marriage bus the minute it (finally) stopped by her door...

Ouch. Was that meant to hurt?

Not at all. No ouch intended. It is a wonderful positive story that should give hope to to many singles who face bleak moments despite our best efforts to put a positive face on things. Your comments above were also generous and helpful. I apologize for a turn of phrase that might have given the wrong impression. You write a fabulous blog. The Church needs many more people like you who give thoughtful consideration to the single life. The best possible news for many singles is that singleness need not last forever. That makes it much easier to do good things in the moment. Thanks and may God bless you for your care and concern.

Thanks for clarifying that, John. I've spent three years writing about Single people and encouraging more pastoral attention to the needs of Single people. When I got engaged, I got some disappointed feedback from long-time readers, which really surprised me.

One thing Single people complain about is that married people forget what it's like to be Single. I'm endeavouring not to do that!

Best of all blessings to you.

Seraphic, you write:

"One thing Single people complain about is that married people forget what it's like to be Single. I'm endeavouring not to do that!"

Good to hear that. It's very important.

Re the "single vocation"--there is no real "single vocation" in the Church. Something like it is mentioned as a sort of aside in one John Paul II document, but not really fleshed out, and certainly not canonically defined. What is mentioned is the universal call to holiness.

Consecrated Virgin's comment above about how making an election to consecrated life requires a positive calling (rather than the negative impression that marriage is not in the cards), is very important. The heart of the married vocation may be lived out fruitfully and positively in the life of one who has not had the opportunity to marry, by following the call to spiritual parenthood that John Paul II and others in the Church have described.

This spiritual parenthood is, of course, also at the heart of the consecrated vocation. However, one who is in hope of marriage, in offering his or her unfulfilled longing to God in union with Christ's sacrifice on the Cross, carries out that spiritual parenthood in a different way from the person whose longing finds its fulfillment in consecration. (Not "better," assuming one's heart is directed to love of God and neighbor--just different.) Likewise, both the consecrated person and the unconsecrated one are making a sacrifice--but each sacrifice is different according to the individual's state of life.

...one thing that has become more and more obvious to me over time (quite a lot of time, actually,...) is that the world we find ourselves in today is incredibly DIFFERENT from the world as it has been for "eons" of time,...once fairly homogeneous cultures, where the families therein bore much resemblance and mutual correspondence with one another (i'm not idealizing a past era as "perfection," btw), has become such a continually transitional ever-changing "melting pot"/pot-pourri/amorphous collection of races, ethnicities, customs, thoughts, religions, and on and on, together with an incredibly pervasive "overlay" of media-inspired "spin" that adds to the challenges of identity crises & confusion in just about all who find themselves "drifting" on this unbelievable "sea of experience & emotion,"...

what once was a relatively "simple" milieu by comparison, has become a sincere life-navigator's night-mare,...married, formerly married, or single, we find ourselves deeply in need of (and blessed to have) the guiding principles of the Catholic Church,...i think we are as much in a covert social/cultural "war" of sorts, as any overt World War you can mention,...

what this means to me, in a nutshell, is that individually/personally-speaking, we find ourselves living in a time of great personal danger,...even the friendly-looking neighbor or co-worker just might NOT be "what the doctor ordered" when it comes to life-long intimacy & trust issues that are necessarily part of a seriously considered marriage,...

i mention this not so much to be discouraging about marriage prospects in this "hour," but to point out that the truths of God will not only be there to guide us into better ways of happiness (which they certainly will!), but also to PROTECT US from conditions that would most certainly harm us if we were to just take things at "face value,"...

...no, in this day and age, it is wise to "look deeper" and to also learn to be grateful for guidance that may prevent serious errors and harm,...if we become a little more "realistic" about the nature of the society that we now live in, we might be more willing to realize that rather than expecting the serendipitous happenstances of human existence to be an easy norm to accomplish, that, instead, we live in a time of pervasive frustration, humanly & morally,...

for those of us who have inadvertently had a "taste" of the evil consequences of joining our lives and our ideals with beings (in some cases it's even hard to call them "human") incapable of rising to & maintaining a life-long commitment to even a semblance of decency, once the "nice person aura" has worn off, it is easier to appreciate the consolations & personal love that God DOES have for us as plain-old-ordinary "singles,"...in fact, God loves us SO MUCH that it's hard to feel plain, old and ordinary at all!,...

once you do realize this, it's much easier to appreciate the graces (& blessings & "safe" life opportunities) that God DOES have for us, be it as church members, family members, FRIENDS ("friends" are some of the greatest things the world has to offer!), world helpers,...always remember that in this life there are special duties and obligations to family members, friends, etc., that we can do in a very special devoted way that will be very elevating to all those around us,...& God will be very pleased,...(-:

I am newly engaged (this month) and have been a single guy for much of my 27 years. During that time I have had many blessings and struggles in coming to know where God was calling me to. Discernment is an important process and one to take with a serious heart... but it is also a conversation with God that needs to have an open heart.

A few years ago I went through a "crisis" in trying to figure out what I was suppose to do with my life. It turns out I was grabbing, reaching, and pulling- trying to do everything in my power to, in a sense, "take" what I thought was my vocation.

As it turns out, vocation is a calling, and in His calling your desires matter. For me, it took years of coming to find what God was calling me to, and putting aside my terms of "engagement", all the while following those holy desires He has placed on my heart. Our hearts are created for Him, and they are restless until they rest in Him (St. Augustine).

As we follow our desires (in a grace filled way, ie. in a life in union with God through prayer and the sacraments, esp. confession and the Eucharist), we can come to find- we can come to hear the plan the Father has willed for us to live from the foundation of the world, the specific plan He has created, willed, and delighted in when he created us. It's the same plan he continues to hold into existence, continues to create, continues to will, and continues to delight in today. He wants us to come to Him, in every state of life, whether we are currently single, married, or religious.

If you are anxious, go to the One in whom you can find lasting peace. If you have gone to God, and are still anxious, continue to go to Him: in prayer, in sacrament, in counsel with others (esp. spiritual direction or a good holy priest- one that seems to be living a grace filled life and can connect with your personality). Offer you anxieties to Christ the eternal High Priest who offers everything to the Father. In Him you will find peace and in this way you will find peace in your vocation.

God loves us too much to leave us where we are at. With Him it is always a constant drawing in closer to Him. Be prepared to loose it all and to drop your own preferences. Prefer His. And in this way you will come to know the Father's will in your life.

There's a great book that has helped me see the bigger picture of life and the happiness we are created for. It helps shed light on the really important things in our lives. What really matters in life are the people in our lives, and what really matters with the people in our lives, is our relationship with them.

To me, the book had always sounded a little corny, a little "too good to be true" until I actually opened it up and found the richness of it's truths. It's called "Friendship: The Art of Happiness" by John Cuddeback. Cuddeback offers great glimmers of hope on friendship with God and neighbor, as well as advice on dating and married life if you believe you may be called to it.

You can find it here on Amazon.com

I'll continue to pray for those anxious about their vocations, and pray you receive peace of heart from the only One who can offer you it-

God Bless,
Nate

I read this article with interest and found insight in both the article itself and the unexpected turn that the comments took. Still, while I agree wholeheartedly with each point that the author made, I am still left a little "cold" in terms of explaining why chastity is the best option. Not that I disagree... only that I didn't take from this anything that feels persuasive in terms of sharing this perspective with others.

We live in a world where premarital sex is expected and active Catholicism is hardly in the majority. That creates enormous hurdles for people who are dating, unless they do so within a very narrow social context. My husband was an RCIA candidate when I met him; he recieved no teaching on this (or he missed that class) and was startled when I told him, after about six weeks of dating, that we weren't just waiting until one or the other of us had roomates out of town! "But I've dated lots of Catholic women before, and none of them felt this way!"

Readers of IC may rant and rave at this point, that this is not the way Catholics should behave... but the reality for most faithful, single-and-dating Catholics is that there exists a basic understanding that chastity is good, but no deep ontological understanding about why. Even this article fails to address in persuasive ways the most common arguments in favor of premarital sex: "as long as we love each other, it is okay." OR, "as long as we are engaged...."

I'm NOT arguing those perspectives; in fact, after five years of chaste dating, I am very glad that my commitment prevailed. So glad, in fact, that I am searching for really persuasive arguments to (someday)share with our daughters, arguments that will remain with them even if they experience a "dry" period of faith (common with so many) or if they date men who do not share their preunderstanding of Catholic concepts. The comments by "lonely," which made me ache with familiar understanding, only intensified my interest in articulating a really persuasive view. I got married at 36, which meant nearly two decades of dating outside of what is now seen as a normal social context. I often wondered (with ugly jealously) whether it was my commitment to chastity itself that worked as a barrier to advancing my relationships. I now have a hindsight perspective that reveals God's love in ways that I find deeply relevant... and yet I don't see the depth of that experience reflected in the more academic arguments presented here.

I'd love for readers to dig deeper and address this in ways that reflects personal experience, love, and resulting insight in a way more articulate that I have yet been able to express. I think that many, many people would be inspired and strenghened by such stories of faith and love.

let's see,...i would like to offer these thoughts,...

(1) jumping into "the complete sexual plunge" too soon pretty much obliterates the chance to enjoy the very tender and delicate loving tendrils of inter-twining mutually respecting inter-personal connections, which preserve the integrity and identity of each one as a whole and lovely person in and of themselves, beloved of the other,...it's actually a very nice/wonderful experience to bask in the adoration of the beloved, secure that nothing has to be expended to "prove" anything or "keep" the other,...the desire is a continual warm, manageable glow, that seemingly miraculously renews and preserves itself,...it gives a thrilling testimony to its own real life and bonding power,...the belovedness testifies of and proves itself,...very amazing, especially when our human insecurities would doubt and be fearful,...

(2)in true love, the spontaneous and ongoing romantic expression and extension of oneself to the other through respectful thoughts and actions develops a solid base for the challenges that come along to try to "rock the boat,"...it is wonderful to know that even through "tipsy" times that the other can manage to stay on their own two feet and remain in the picture for the benefit of the beloved in this gratuitous self-giving fashion,...

(3)how nice it is to be able to feel in a potential crisis moment that should the unexpected threat or tragedy of division come along, that one has preserved an essential integral part of one's own unique God-created being and precious identity that can be carried along intact to meet the now unknown future,...rather than having to un-twine and de-construct a blurred and failed relationship, and then having to search for, re-find and re-define the identity of the inner vessel of who one is/was/has been on one's own,...too often when the casual allowing of "another" to enter/visit/penetrate/co-mingle/introduce their unavoidable "them-ness" into our own deeply personal internal realm, there will remain a "taste" of that other that is hard to lose,...(and more casual others do not erase or cover up what has been, only compounding the problem instead, until one feels emptied, confused and hurt in a hard to reach, hard to treat way,...and the unhappy downward spiral begins,...)

(4)too often when people "jump" into the arms, aura, and bed of another it is to lose oneself, rather than a positive affirming of finding and preserving of oneself,...too often a dangerous, subversive inner side of the other does not become apparent right away either,...

(5)God is good,...if you can't trust God, who can you trust?,...let God lead you in His fruitful paths of righteousness,...quite honestly, without God and the precious infilling of the sacraments of the Catholic church, i think it would be much more difficult and much less fulfilling to try to live this way,...honoring God, being willing to "fast" from too much earthly indulgence, will become an invaluable teaching and bonding experience, both for the beloveds themselves and with God,...God is very very good,...(-:

Very well put; thanks! I think that creating a persuasive dialogue means using the language of love, which you have done so well. After all, it is often a chase after the illusion of love that leads to unchaste choices. Affirming chaste choices requires a clear articulation of the basis of authentic love, not merely in theory, but in a way that moves hearts and stirs souls.

it occurred to me after posting that, that in being "obedient" to God's principles, we not only please God, establish a better foundation, protect ourselves from probable loss and hurt, but it becomes a very positive process of affirmation all the way around,...(1)we honor God, who intimately designed us, knows us, and loves us,...(2)in so doing, we are seeing our own selves in a very positive and loving light,...(3)while, at the same time, we are in the process of becoming acquainted and familiar with the "other" in a very positive, affirming and respectful manner,...it's a 3-way street of respect and good intentions, which we could use a lot more of these days!,...God Bless!

The problem with continuing to pray, to hope, and to receive encouragement from others that surely one day my prince will come is that it makes my life a living limbo of waiting. I don't like living that way. So after my biological clock stopped ticking I decided to close the door. That door is closed and that ship has sailed. The end. Waiting for over thirty years, with no end in sight, is hellish and ridiculous. "Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed."

if it makes anyone feel better, i spent at least that long (30+ years) waiting for a very disappointing spouse to "get their act together," and was not only lonely but demeaned, belittled, and tortured in the process,...i was trying to "have faith" for the spiritual improvement of another,...well, i DO know i always had God on my side, and for that i am eternally grateful,...i'm sure it drew me closer to God in the long run, so who am i to complain?,...it's really not only about what happens here, earthly success and whatnot,...that's relatively temporary and ephemeral, compared to eternity,...maybe it's as much about "how we play the game," our integrity, self-giving, and maximizing our efforts for good,...even if it seems to be hidden good,...God knows about it,...

i was about to tack this thought on to comment 31, when i stumbled on the last thought,...one great thing about honoring God with our chastity, especially during a time of courtship, is that it is then NOT a personal issue for hurt feelings and blame if someone "feels" refused in their advances,...you can both blame it on God, instead of on each other,...(in this day and age, that's a huge bonus, if you ask me!),...and God can handle it,...no problem,...

a darker side,...having mentioned my own personal experience with an extremely "tragic" connection, that i entered into naive & unawares many long years ago, i would add this: the more "physical" the connection is permitted to be early in the relationship, the more likely to arouse the ownership/possessive domineering reaction of territorialism,...very often it "goes with the territory," and very little encouragement and support may be found for developing oneself and "spreading one's wings" in other areas, IF this suppressiveness sets in as a pattern,...some of these things are difficult to second guess afore-hand,...the safer you intend to be about inter-personal relationships, probably the better off you'll be,...God bless & good luck,...

i've also learned the truth of this expression, along the way,...

"life is what happens while you were planning something else,"...

i think most of us have had a taste of that somewhere along the line,...

as far as i'm concerned, knowing and loving God, first and foremost in life, becomes more and more rewarding, satisfying, and valued as time goes on,...God knows us better than we know ourselves,...when we look to find more of God, we'll also find more and deeper truths about our own selves,...God IS faithful and true,...an anchor,...a rock,...a friend,...

God loves you,...be blessed,...

"Be the Kind of Person You Would Want to Marry" helped me the most. Thank you!

And praise Jesus!