November 20, 2009
 
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| Today Is Not Forever |
| by Danielle Bean |
| 2/08/08 |
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Daniel says many things these days, but his first word is still his favorite: Mama.
To a toddling 17-month-old, "Mama" means many things:
It's flattering. And exhausting. Particularly when there are seven other young people in the household who are also in the habit of calling you "Mama." "Heaven better be real good," a struggling friend once complained to me over the phone as a stomach virus raged through her busy household. "Not just a bunch of people standing around talking to each other. I mean real good."
I found the sentiment both funny and familiar. Some days, in the midst of sacrifice, all we want is some tangible assurance that our efforts will be rewarded. On days where I feel stretched to the limit, I sometimes find that it helps to stop and force myself to realize at least this much: Today is not forever. Each stage of our motherly lives, however long it might seem, is exactly that -- a stage; a step; a passing, fleeting season.
"Why do you like being a mom?" a frustrated young mother e-mailed me recently. "What is so positive about it? Don't you find the fact that you can't drink a cup of tea without interruptions and demands depressing?"
Well, yes -- I do. Absolutely, sometimes I do.
More often than not, though, I find that the rewards of family life are mixed right in with its crosses. Marriage and family life are a wild jumble of sacrifice and joy, tears and gratitude. With each new baby, the tears and the joys are only multiplied.
If nothing else, my years of mothering have taught me that it's okay not to be Super Woman. It's okay to admit that it's hard. Because sometimes it truly is. And sometimes we know that it will be for many days to come.
But not forever.
Today I am tired of the touching, the tantrums, the griping, the grabbing, the messes, and the mayhem. Today I am tired of meeting other people's needs first and would prefer instead to focus on my own. But one day these babies will be grown and I will be left to wonder if I loved them well enough when they were small -- if I thanked God enough for their sweet innocence, their simple dependence, and their tiny perfect bodies. I will be left to wonder if I fully appreciated the privilege of being their mother -- the "Mama" they needed so very much, so very often, so very intensely.
And so I endure the "Mamas."
With the tumult of a weekend road trip, the challenge of a runny nose, and the trauma of giving up pacifiers forever,almost three-year-old Raphael has been heard to utter my name even more than usual in recent days. Last night, in fact, he needed me so very much that he left his big boy bed and came to mine. He snuggled under the covers, draped his arms across my body, and there at last, fell back to sleep.
In the morning he slept there still, even as I heard baby Daniel wake in his own room and call for me. His tone alternated between sugar-coated sweetness and entitled assertion.
"Mama!" he called over and over again. "Mama!"
"Mama," Raphael murmured too, beside me in bed.
His eyes were closed. Long, dark lashes lay against his porcelain skin.
"Mama," he repeated while still he slept.
I am Mama -- the sun around which their tiny worlds revolve. Today I want to bask in that.
So I will slow down. I will hold these babies, sing them songs, and love them hard. Because today is not forever. But one day, I might find myself wishing it could be just one day more.
Danielle Bean, a mother of eight, is senior editor of Faith & Family magazine and author of My Cup of Tea: Musings of a Catholic Mom (Pauline 2005) and Mom to Mom, Day to Day: Advice and Support for Catholic Living (Pauline 2007). Visit her blog at www.daniellebean.com. Readers have left 10 comments. So true....they grow oh so fast and in the blink of an eye. Every bit of what you write is so, so true. Written by Amanda This brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I like how you say, "Today is not forever." Somehow it rings in my ears and touches my heart better than "This too shall pass." Which I have heard countless times in my life. Written by Jennifer Such a beautiful story and so true. I know that today is not forever, especially now when I'm holding my grandchildren. Written by Ana Danielle, your article reminds me of the seemingly lightning speed with which my kids seemed to have grown up. And I was a "rushed" mother, always waiting for them to get to the NEXT phase, and the next... And then I blinked and they were adults. Savor each day with your children, all you parents out there. Trust me. Written by Felicia This was much needed encouragement - I have to admit to feeling so, very overwhelmed with the little ones I have and being pregnant has been terrifying me! Thanks for this article, it hit the spot.  Written by Alexis Danielle, I've been reading daniellebean.com and this column for a while now, and I always enjoy everything you write, but this one made me cry. Thank you for touching that special spot in my heart that is still there from long ago, when my 27 year old needed me so much and called out incessantly for Mommy, then Mom! God bless you and your family! Written by Dora Gallardo Now I'm crying. And for the first time in a while, I can't wait for my 7-month-old daughter to wake up from her nap so I can nuzzle her warm neck and tell her how much I love her. Written by Lori Thank you, Danielle - this is also a wonderfully perfect image of the Christian's relationship with Mary in the spiritual life. We are like spiritual infants, and this can be every Christian's constant and simple prayer for all our needs in the spiritual life: "Mary!" (As you know, this is not my opinion, but the teaching of the saints.) How blessed are you that Our Lady has revealed this so distinctly - and experientially - to you, that as you are to your child in these days, so Mary is to you. As you see your children are to you, so Mary desires you to be to her. You are living Mary's motherly life, and also the infant Jesus' as well! What beautiful gift and mystery you have received. Thank you again. (I am very late in responding ...) Written by Jerome |
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