I like the overall gist of this essay, and I would agree in principle with what you've written here. As an adoptive dad, I bristle a bit at the comment on non-biological fathers. I'm better than a biological father; I'm a real father. But I'll let that pass for now.

Two things:

I think we also have to point out that society's emphasis on the nuclear family has also eroded the cultivation of fathers. In the past when a father would die, often the extended family and community provided support. Children would have other father figures to guide them, and single mothers would not bear the brunt of childrearing alone.

Over the past generation, society has also committed itself to the incarceration of criminal men. I think we have to question if the urge for punishment doesn't come back to haunt us when we lament boys never "taught" to be men. Does not society have the responsibility to attempt to fill the gap when it takes dad away to prison?

"We need to teach boys how to become men."

I'd advise caution on overusing "teaching" as a principle. Instead, I'd emphasize that boys should be shown how to be men. It's not book-learnin'. It's more like a traditional apprenticeship for a craft. Boys try out being men. They screw up and someone is there to correct them, advise them, and help them make adjustments. It worked when society was less mobile and a young husband and father could rely on dad or grandad to help him.

This would be a good example of the need for thinkers of both conservative and liberal stripes to join together. Liberal men's movements abound these days. Conservatives alone cannot provide enough answers or supply enough vision to get this problem tackled.

I too would like to see closer knit families, but we're a get up and go society...couple that with a dogmatic individualism, and that isn't a recipe for familial piety to use Confucian terminology. Asian culture still practices it, but that too is changing. More nasty habits from the West.

I have to wonder what type of responses this essay would get on a "typical" liberal blog. (I'm afraid I don't have one to recommend-- maybe something by the Children's Defense Fund?)

Is this issue really that divisive? Or, as Todd suggests, does it enjoy support from folks across the social and political spectrum. Is there any way to test this, perhaps by posting it elsewhere?

It's timely, and on the mark (though I can understand Todd's umbrage at the biological remark). Apart from that, well done!

Exactly! This is something that has been seriously lacking in Western Civilization during the recent past.

I suspect that it is partly due to the over-emphasis put on higher education, as if maturity means being able to put off the rest of life in order to acquire one or more degrees. But that's another story.

Let's look at things in context, and not take everything as an insult (I know I get insulted too easily as well, so I'm speaking to myself as well here).

All things being equal, it's better for a child to be raised by their biological parents. First, children have more 'identity' issues when they are raised by adoptive parents. Second, children are only available for adoption when something bad already happened. Either they were abandoned by their parents, or their parents died.

There are situations where it is necessary for biological parents to abandon their children, but it should never be the ideal (which is one of the problems with gay marriage/gay adoption).

That said, it is a really great thing to adopt children (unless the child was conceived in the first place FOR the adoptive parents). Adoption is usually a far less selfish act than having your own children or especially using fertility treatments (not that those are all always bad).

Our concern should be what's best for the children. And it's best if their biological parents never abandon them. If a child already has no parents, then it is best that they be adopted.

Adoption is a wonderful thing, and Todd, I praise you for adopting a child. But, even though the heart that leads someone to adopt is ideal, the situations that require adoption should never be seen as ideal.

Thanks, Nathan, for your perspective.

I wasn't really insulted by the "biological father" comment. Usually comments like that show the originator in a poor light.

In a neat biological world, people wouldn't die or abuse substances, or abuse their children. So, yes, I can agree with you that the picture we're given by Original Blessing is mom plus dad plus kids.

I do think the Church and secular society have given short shrift to your principle: "Our concern should be what's best for the children." Too often, it becomes a question of legal power, moral status of parents, or other adult concerns that override the child's best interest.

I will mention as an aside a print media piece I saw today that quotes a study that families with fathers have seen more than a doubling of the fathers' direct role in parenting over the past generation. Good news for two parent families, to be sure.

Now what do we do about the kids who don't have dads? We can't just wring our hands and say, "Ooo. Too bad for you."

I agree that many males need to be taught responsibility and how to be men. I married a former seminarian who is familiar with his faith. However, when it came to be his time to father, provide, protect his family....he left. He has a lack of sense of responsibility. He grew up in a father less home and is lost. How does a former seminarian of 3 years, leave his family, go to strip clubs, drink, and not even financially provide for his children? His family foundation is so cracked with dysfunction and verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. Women are left many times to provide. Many women will provide and take on all the roles in the family. Society does allow men to become irresponsible. They are not held accountable for their behavior. In the end, God sees all, he will help all of us single mothers who struggle to provide and nurture our children. How will the Church address this problem and hold fathers accountable? How will society hold men accountable? Or will they be held accountable by God later at judgement and their death bed when they need to account for how they parented? When will men be men? It is sad for our society. God always provides help to those in need. Perhaps many mothers will be saints.