I am puzzled at the obsession that young American women have with being thin. The dieting, exercise, anorexia and bullemia are taking a toll, both physically and emotionally on our young women.

Women don't seem to want to look like women, with curves, they seem to want to look like skinny, adolescent boys. It makes no sense, but I suppose reason and logic are not factors here. The models in magazines often appear to have escaped from a concentration camp. This is something to aspire to?

Let's hope that this insanity goes away, but so far, it doesn't seem to going anywhere.

I've heard, but I don't know if it's true, that the obsession with thinness in fashion industry has to do with the predominance of gay men, who shape women to meet their own standards of attractiveness.

Personally I find the ultra-thin 'supermodel' look a little revolting. I feel sorry for any woman who has been made to believe that it is the look men want. It really isn't.

I have always thought the stick thin model ideal began with the designers of the clothing being modelled. I sew, and it is so much easier to sew for someone without curves than for someone with curves. All straight seams, no darts, no easing of curved fabric. It's easier to sew and also design something if there is no shaping. Man (as a species, I mean) has always tamed nature, grappling with it to conform to preconceived ideas of what it ought to be rather than what it really is. And women, naturally, have curves and are not stick figures. I have naturally thin women friends, but they still have their own natural curves. Maybe someday people will get over this fixation, but I'm not holding my breath.

Worshipping anorexia is not at all the same as a dread and distaste for wrinkles, greying hair, dimming vision and those momento mori, harbingers of the grave. Any good Catholic understands that the grave is unnatural and old age is part and parcel of that. So, a child naturally, without undue prompting, will know this as well. It takes either a special spiritual vision to look past bodily death or a particular ideological primer to misunderstand the order of nature, if you ask someone to view youth and old age as equally beautiful.

Some Catholics think it is pious to believe that aging and decay are illusions produced by sin, which we could banish from our consciousness if we only purified our perceptions. If that is true, then illness and death are equally illusory, as Mary Baker Eddy believed.

The cold hard truth is God made us with instincts that attract us to those who are young and fertile. That is the kind of beauty toward which young girls naturally aspire. There is a taint of the Fall in this, but it fundamentally good—just as boys’ aspiration to be strong, brave providers is good, although it CAN lead them into evil.

Telling married women that it is more Christian to neglect their looks implies a contempt for their husbands, who have forsaken all others. Men find it appealing that their wives seem young and fertile, even when they are not. Women wish their husbands to be strong and ambitious, even when their careers have topped out, or they have retired. To deny all this is to despise Creation, and encourage Envy and Sloth—not to mention adultery.

I’m really sick of seeing Catholic “mother martyrs” go online and brag about how noble and unworldly they are for letting the hair on their legs go grey. I’m sure their husbands are enchanted—as enchanted as wives must be at big beer guts and apathy about career advancement, savings, or stewardship.

Cut it out. St. Francis de Sales said it is a spousal duty for BOTH husbands and wives to keep themselves as attractive as possible. Anything else is uncharitable, and all the pious excuses in the world won’t change that.

--Desiderius

Where did you ever see this? Give me a break.

Very nice article Kate. Let's give our girls something to truly aspire to!

Well said Kate!

We are called to care well for these bodies given us. To eat well, be active and caring of ourselves and others. One can refuse to become a slave to the scale and not be slovenly. I can mantain my appearance as a sign of respect towards my husband and anyone else who has to look at me on a daily basis and not be a size zero.
I also hope to raise a daughter who will view eating as enjoyment and nourishment and not a daily battle of self-worth and control. I seek to choose my words carefully so that my child may see beauty in many people and body types.

There is another extreme as well. In my area the drift (stampede?) seems to be towards female crudity. I do not exaggerate when I say that it is often difficult to determine which sex you are dealing with on first glance, particularly in winter. Add to that the prevalence of women's tattoos, complete neglect of personal appearance, and lack of manners, and it's pretty grim. It's reminiscent of old pictures of women sweeping streets in the days of the Soviet Union.

Just to be even-handed, the men don't seem to have much self-respect either; and it shows.

My wife once spent a week or so in Louisville, Kentucky and commented on how attractive and pleasant the women there were. I wasn't along so I had to take her word for it...

Great article, Kate!

Although I liked the content in my favourite fitness magazine, I cancelled my subscription because of the photos on the covers. I didn't want my children to think that these photos were the picture of what health is or should be.

Kimberley

"Cut it out. St. Francis de Sales said it is a spousal duty for BOTH husbands and wives to keep themselves as attractive as possible. Anything else is uncharitable, and all the pious excuses in the world won’t change that." by someone

Absolutely, we need to keep ourselves "attractive" to our spouses, actually to everyone. If we don't show in our sembalnce the "goodness and beauty of the Lord" how are we going to draw more souls close to Him?

But what good does it does to put make up, big full lashes and plump lips if the words that come out of our mouth to our spoused and/or children are full of anger, pride , resentment. What good does it make working for that perfect body, if it only portrays , vanity , emptiness, instead of a holy temple full with the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit.

Yes we need to be dress in "beauty" but the main beauty we are called to be dressed upon as children of God, is the supernatural beauty that only comes from knowing, loving and serving Him. Everything else is secondary.

That is the supernatural beauty that we need to teach and pass on to our little ones, the one that doesn't fade with time, but grows and stays forever. The one that hollywood can't achieve or portray in magazines because is not rooted in vanity, self-love but in self-less love and giving. The one our Saints showed wether they had physical beauty like Saint Rose of Lima or what todays world would call "ugliness" by not taking care of themselves and giving their all to the poor, like our Mother Theresa or Saint Francis...

This is the beauty Mrs. Kate is showing her daugthers and sharing with all of us through this great article.
Thank you Kate!

Joe noted:

Hear, hear!

Have you also noticed the facial expressions on the models when these photographs are taken?

I suppose it's intended to be a sultry pout. To me, it looks as if these women are suffering from constipation. (Said the lingerie model to the catalog viewer: "Excuse me, sir, I'm very attracted to you, but pardon me while I rush off to the restroom.")

And -- I beg your pardon if this is too blunt -- how is a man supposed to see curves in a body where the bones occupy greater volume than the muscles?

Curves are where it's at, ladies. Please examine the shape of a Ferrari or a Fender Stratocaster. These were designed by men with a sense of the hardwired aesthetic sensibilities in men. Fashion models, by contrast, seem shaped like the Tango electric Commuter car, or a Steinberger Spirit guitar.

Okay. That's enough. I just wanted to say: I'm with Joe, and then some, on this point.

Alright. All this talk about grey hair is striking a little too close to home for me. It's true - I am letting my grey grow out (on my head that is. I got over the hairy leg thing decades ago.) I am not purposefully trying to look like a calico cat but that's the affect at the moment. And my husband is not all that excited about how many different colors my hair is (or is that "are") right now. But, I KNOW he's going to be really happy when he see's the credit card charges from the beauty shop and I've promised him to use the 2 hours I save every six weeks coloring my hair to his benefit.

BTW, Kate, my own daughter has told me that my grey hair "is beautiful, Mom. You finally look your age!" I decided that was a complement.

I just read Christine's post, and I'm with her, too:

Yes, yes, yes.

Listen, it's true that looking attractive for one's spouse is an act of charity and very important.

But a hottie with a bad soul is distasteful. It is like seeing a beautiful ring, fit for a diamond, but finding a crumbling lump of mud sitting in the setting. What a waste!

In fact the analogy goes the other way: A woman who is full of the Holy Spirit who dresses shabbily in a frumpy way -- not out of humility, but out of an underestimation of her own value -- seems like a sparkling diamond set in a ring made of poorly-cast lead.

Or, when she dresses in a tawdry way, one gets the sense that the diamond is set in a ring made of cheap neon-orange plastic.

Speaking as a husband of a woman who is my beloved, I say with (I suspect) the voices of other sincere and loving husbands: Ladies! Let your beauty be inner beauty, first and foremost! Be the diamond, not the lump of mud.

But, when you are what God has made you -- a diamond, not a lump of mud -- then be not adorned as if you were a lump of mud. One doesn't throw holy things to the dogs, and the body of Christ isn't set on a paper plate. Similarly, we men would not see our brides, our jewels, in settings of poorly-cast lead, or cheap neon-orange plastic. It would be unfitting, frustrating, and an insult to the beauty God had produced in you.

Let the outer adornment, then, be a fitting compliment to the inner work Christ has done in you: And make sure, first, that you are allowing Christ to do that work before you bother with the clothes and whatnot. Be the diamond, and then be in the right setting.

Gentlemen: Can I get an amen?

I heard or read that Italian designers were prohibited from participation in a major runway show because the models were unhealthily thin. When I read Mrs. Wicker's piece I did a quick search and found this Dec 2006 report:

ROME, Italy (AP) -- Italy's fashion industry on Friday signed a code of conduct aimed at fighting anorexia among women and the vogue for stick-thin models.

The self-regulatory code, drawn up with the Italian government, requires models to show medical proof they do not suffer from eating disorders, bans models younger than 16 and calls for a commitment to add larger sizes to fashion collections.

It also aims to redefine feminine beauty, and to promote "a healthy, sunny, generous, Mediterranean model of beauty."

"It is a contribution that Italian fashion can give to different aesthetic standards that are not about a thin, very thin, sometimes sick bodies," Youth Policy and Sports Minister Giovanna Melandri told a news conference in Rome.

"There's a line between a thin girl and a sick one that is often crossed. Italy, with this manifesto, is committed to recognize this boundary and not cross it," she said.

The code was signed by Melandri and Mario Boselli, president of the Italian Fashion Chamber, which includes fashion house like Versace, Prada and Missoni. It is destined for designers, model agencies, makeup artists and others who work in the fashion field.

Boselli said he was hoping the code could be adopted also internationally.

I like the way you put this R.C.

On a side note: I've said this on previous threads about modesty, but I think that our current fashions make it very hard to put your best self forward. It's truly a challenge. I honestly think that most women don't know what to wear that would be best on them because there is hardly anything out there to buy but cheap rags.

This alleged obsession with thinness is very strange. Everywhere I go, I see not thin women, but herds of fat women.

Sprink:

Well, that's the other side of the problem, isn't it? Perhaps the other side of the temptation.

Satan places around us a culture of convenience and motorized garage-doors and desk-work jobs where we sit all day, followed by long seated rides home, followed by short walks from the car to the front-door. He then shows us fattening foods and cooking shows ("Bam!") and syrupy soft-drinks which are easier to grab in a hurry than water itself.

And then Satan locks us into a kind of loneliness-in-a-crowd as we live in neighborhoods without neighbors we know, hundreds or thousands of miles from parents and siblings and the friends we grew up with. This loneliness-in-a-crowd only seems to be broken when we sit down beside our newer friends or coworkers or colleagues or family-members...to overeat!

Meanwhile, Satan offers men a panoply of pornography available to private viewing. He particularly tempts men to look at what exactly suits the hunger of their eyes -- women with curves (rather more than the fashion models have) who exude confidence in their own physical attractiveness and seem utterly unencumbered by body-image neuroses.

At the same time, while all of us are growing thicker in the middle, Satan presents underweight stick-figure fashion models to women (after all, it's they who pay attention to fashion magazines, not men) as the epitome of beauty!

In combination with the sedentary society in which we live, this produces over-curvy or out-of-shape women who view themselves under the weight of propaganda telling them that the only way to be attractive is to be under-curvy with a body-fat percentage so low as to endanger health and fertility.

This is of course very depressing for them. And have you noticed how a good, rich meal -- or better yet, a good rich dessert -- can make you feel better for awhile?

So women, some of them, get thicker and more over-curvy, all the while having to fight harder not to develop neuroses about the difference between their own bodies and what popular culture says is desirable.

Discontent and depression do nothing for the married woman's libido, by the way, and this does not go unnoticed by married men, who consequently long that much more for curvy women who aren't ashamed of their bodies and who do show signs of healthy libido. So after the kids are hustled into bed, he sits down in front of the computer, and connects to the Internet....

To borrow a phrase from C.S.Lewis's diabolical character Screwtape, "the outcome of all this, one can easily foresee!"

It is diabolical.

Anyone feel a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel coming on?

I am reading this comment wondering if you and I have read the same article.

I certainly didn't think Kate was trying to be a mother martyr or encourage others to neglect their looks.

I see where you are going, but linking Satan with garage door openers is a bit of a stretch, I think. We live in a sedentary world in modern American, for most of us anyway. We need to hit the gym, walk, bike, etc. You are correct, cola drinks are the bane of so many: sugar water, worthless, making us fat and diabetic. Drink water, walk, eat your vegetables. Oh dear, I am starting to sound like my mother!

I'm with you on this one Therese, I'm not sure where Desiderius got the notion that Kate was trying to tell us married women to ignore ourselves, but rather not to be so hard on ourselves. As a married woman, I get caught up in taking care of everyone else that I forget to take care of myself. I don't take vitamins, drink enough water, or eat enough fiber! Taking care of ourselves from the inside out is perfect advice. Thanks so much for that Kate!

On the other hand, it's very unhealthy to be overweight, just as it is unhealthy to be so stick thin that your bones poke out. I don't get any secular magazines (I don't get very many magazines at all as a matter of fact), and I truly do not like walking through the grocery aisle. I look at the cover of those magazines and start feeling the way I used to when I was young... that urge to have flawless skin, thick flowing hair... and a flat stomach. I'm sure if I worked hard enough I could have that flat stomach (I have had 3 children), but the truth of it is, I'm happy where I am. I'm content I should say. I have a goal to lose 5 pounds. But it's not because of society, it's because I WANT TO!!! I want to be healthy. Period. And that's what I want to teach my children, to be healthy.

I have to tell this story. I took all of my kids with me on Friday to get my hair cut, and I was frumpy looking. I had on a very comfy pair of capris (a maternity pair I can still wear because the waist is elastic). They are very very loose and flowy (VERY COMFY). I also had on a plain blue shirt. I got my kids settled in and went over to get my hair shampooed. There was a young girl getting her hair done (she was getting married) and another young beauty was doing it for her. So both of them were stick thin. My youngest daughter came over to see me and when I looked up at the young girl in the chair, I smiled at her, and she half-smiled back at me and looked away, like she was disgusted with me and trying to avoid me. I don't know if it was me, or if she really felt that way. I feel frumpy sometimes and it sure doesn't boost my confidence. I try to tell myself,"It's OK Karen, you're a stay-at-home mom juggling 3 kids, you don't have time." But I could MAKE the time.

Well, I used to look like those girls. I had the flawless skin, my hair was always stylish and in place, and I worked out and played sports all the time... I had one of those Janet Jackson stomachs! Then life hit. 3 kids later, I'm one of those moms I used to look funny at. I used to look at moms like me and think, "When I have kids, I won't let myself go like that." But I don't have to be stick thin to be beautiful. I don't want to be fat either. I want to be healthy enough and motivated enough to do things with my kids. And I'm not there right now.

I cleaned out some of my clothes last night and found some that I used to wear in my working days. Some actually fit me pretty good!!! I actually began to cry because I miss those days sometimes... having a career and a life of my own. Then my little one comes running in with a big grin yelling, "Mommy!! Mommy!!" just to give me a hug. And I know it's all worth it.

I'm sorry for the long response. But this is a very important discussion. The fact is is that the media makes women feel bad about themselves. Not only that, but our husbands, boyfriends, and sons will think their women have to look like that too. It's just not reality. I think Kate is just warning us not to play into that because it can have a very negative effect on our self esteem. And she's right on. I find it funny that most men don't have self esteem issues. I find it funny that when you look at some television shows that (please pardon me here guys if I sound rude) have fat guys on it, their wives are skinny and beautiful. But you never see it the other way around. What is that telling us?? It's so frustrating to see this, but it happens each and every single day.

I definitely put make-up on every day. I like it. It makes me feel better about myself and more confident in greeting my hubby when he comes home. He actually doesn't like a lot of make-up so I do just enough to take away the dark circles, put on a little mascara, and a little blush of color so I don't look like a death! :) Again, something that might go away if I took better care of myself from the inside out.

OK, I'm done. I could just go on and on about this.... You did a fantastic job Kate. I always love your articles because you speak for most moms, Catholic or not. Keep up the good work!

Austin:

You say,
Well, perhaps that was a minor rhetorical simplification. I don't mean to suggest that your Sears Craftsman Liftmaster 3900 is possessed by the devil. Only that the devil, prowling about like a roaring lion, is also adept at strategically directing the sins and excesses of a society in a given direction to develop self-reinforcing systems which work against both our spiritual and our physical life and health.


Well, you should listen to your mother. And I should listen to mine. (Yours and mine sound a lot alike.) But, gee, that cheeseburger just goes better with a Coke, doesn't it?

("Whaddaya mean, Mom, maybe I eat too many cheeseburgers?!")

Great comment Karen.

I would like to see an article on IC about how men see their own body image, how they let themselves go sometimes, wear rags, etc. How many of them are still rocking their high school body?

Yes, I love a good cheeseburger too. I should keep my consumption of them to a minimum given my 220 lbs. Satan is clever and looks for our weaknesses, but I think that we sometimes attribute too much to him, and not enough to our own human weakness. When I hear some southern politician who got caught in adultry wail that "the devil made hmi do it" I tend to sense that person is trying to weasel out of their own wrongdoing by blaming "the devil." As if they had no free will.
I think we need to take responsibility for our own actions, and not act like some randy Southern politician who is constantly wailing about "the devil" as if they had no free will or control of themselves.

Now if the devil has some connection to my garage door opener, I wonder if he is an executive at McDonalds, tempting me with Double Quarter Pounders with cheese.....

Good article, Kate. And judging by the comments, this is a conversation that needs to take place.

In defense of Desiderius and others, I think that, among serious Christians, the discussions tend to be about things spiritual, relegating things temporal to second-place status, and even dismissing them as side points. It's in the mentality, too: when you're focusing on virtue and holiness, you put aside the things of the Earth and the mundane, superficial things like physical beauty & attraction. Particularly in discussions where the Blessed Mother is raised as the paragon of beauty, there isn't much to go on when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, beauty and curves. It seems inappropriate because of Mary's sexlessness.

And of course, the stereotype of the shapeless sack-jumper-wearing Catholic woman is based in reality. In reaction to the overemphasis on sex and sexuality in modern society, so many women who strive for purity and holiness go to the other extreme and want to attract the perfect man, who they seem to think shouldn't be physically/sexually attracted to them at all.

So I can relate to Desiderius' position. Of course he was using some literary hyperbole to make his point. But the point is a salient one. We men want our wives to be and dress and look attractive. Men are more visually-oriented and physical beauty means a lot to us, and it doesn't stop after the marriage. The constant admonition of some spiritual guides (dare I say, most of them celibate men) to eschew the things of this earth in favor of the spiritual can get a little old when it leads to ignoring something as basic, natural and good as physical beauty and attraction between the sexes. So let's not obsess over it either way. Young, nubile and sexually confident will ALWAYS be more attractive to us than the opposite. And it's a good thing, provided it's kept in its proper perspective.

Jason, Yes, I've seen a few of those "shapeless, sack jumper wearing Catholic women" but they are not in the majority, thank goodness. I'm sure the women feel the same way about fat, pudgey Catholic men.

Studies show that the more a woman watches soap operas the more likely she is to think that the average man makes six figures a year. (Actually, 10% do.) These women think that most men are lazy "losers."
Shouldn't all those women who think that they're taking a moral stand against firness magazines, on the ground that they don't want their sons to know that there are women who look that good in a swimsuit, also campaign against soap operas (and romance novels)?

I enjoyed your article, Kate.

Great article; thanks! I also agree with Therese as to the point I got from the article - there is too much emphasis on unattainable standards of beauty in the media and these are harmful to our daughters.

I recently was on a family reunion and noticed this manifest as a problem in two female family members - an obsession with weight that frankly interfered too often with their ability to enjoy the assembled company,even their own kids. For example, rather than hiking with family, one confined herself to a fitness center, running on a treadmill in isolation because there the calories could be counted as opposed to enjoying a hike where the calories burnt would be less-easy to determine. Other less stick-thin but still slim, healthy, and attractive family members provided better examples of a healthy balance between body and soul, but the more negative examples provided a clear example of the damage that this article addresses: they clearly prioritized size over any other element of being, including their spiritual lives.

Another point that should be made is that the images of beauty too often promoted exclude many in ways that are not confined to weight or curves. My daughters are multi-racial and I avoid much mainstream media because they are unlikely to see themselves represented in ways that reinforce either their physical beauty or their many other potentials. And, in response to the readers who cited a biological imperative to prioritize youth over age, even that perspective should not exclude the possibility of honoring the beauty - internal AND external - that exists in those who are past their reproductive prime

I loved this, Kate! Of course, I love everything you write. :)

Love this article because it is so thought provoking. Married ladies of many children, take care of yourselves as much as possible. As a dear friend said to women who let themselves go, they say my husband is a good Catholic, he would never.... I see it everyday.

Let's not ignore human nature. Do your best. Love your husband. Take good care of him.

We're fighting "the world, the flesh and the devil".

And yet, made in the image of Our Lady- we are a match for them all!
Mary

Great article!

This is just a guess, but is it possible that your daughter just thinks the color gray is ugly? The little girls I know love pink and purple and sparkles... gray, as a color, regardless of what it is on, is kind of ugly when you are a little girl. At least, that's what I would have thought when I was that age! (Brown got the same prejudice, and I had brown hair.)

Just my two cents...