As an introvert, I agree entirely with this article. But think about this: my interests are theology, politics, and a few other things that "you don't talk about" in social situations. So I don't. Moreover, I don't have too much interest in sport, the modern language of men in American society. I'd rather talk music.

I wonder if other introverts have this same dilemma. Namely, introverts have interest in things that aren't really popular or of interest to many others. As a result, they feel isolated and unable to communicate in social situations. And this leads to shyness, awkward moments, and, well, rejection.

People make fun of Trekkies, but the idea of Trekkies makes sense to an introvert. Instead of trying to beat one's head against against the wall of mainstream society, go find a small niche culture out there that you fit with and have an exciting life. Makes sense to me.

Other thoughts?

One of my strongest interests is mathematics. I've noticed people aren't that into talking math. Their loss, folks!

When someone uses phrases like "recovering introvert," he's missed the point; and I always wonder if he's not really an introvert himself (for some reason, it's a popular thing to claim to be), but an extrovert who has experienced some shyness or social dysfunction.

Being introverted isn't about being shy or afraid to make a fool of yourself. There's nothing wrong with it. Zoe gets it exactly right in her third paragraph: it means that spending time with other people saps your energy instead of adding to it. When I go to Christmas parties with my family or dinners at my church, I'm exhausted afterward. That's not because I don't trust these people to see me as I really am, or because I don't enjoy myself. I have a great time (I'm just not yelling about it, so extroverts may not be able to tell). For an introvert, having a great time with people you love simply wears you out. Extroverts don't understand that, because the same activity pumps them up.

An introvert has to ration his social energy and pick his spots for being outgoing. By spending my time at a party having quiet conversations with small groups and doing things like playing cards that allow the conversation to flow at its own pace, I can conserve my energy and enjoy myself more. What would be the point of forcing myself to be the life of the party, in hopes of "recovering" from introversion, when that only means I'll crash and have to leave sooner? Famous performers who happen to be introverts exhaust themselves spending time in front of people because they love doing it, and too often they turn to drugs to maintain their energy levels.

I guess articles like that one wouldn't annoy me so much if we saw an equal number recommending that extroverts "recover" by spending more time shutting up and sitting in the corner with a good book.

(My website link goes to a blog article I wrote on being an introvert.)

When my husband and I were courting, I was amazed at how easily he could strike up a conversation with other people. I'm more reserved by nature, and while I can enjoy the company of plenty of different people for short periods, there are few people whose company I seek out. There are topics of conversation that I find fascinating (numbers/mathematics, Church encyclicals, distributism vs. capitalism, homesteading, farming, home economics, homeschooling, a book I just read, etc.), but when I try to launch a conversation about them with most people, I get the usual "Boy, look at the time!" vibe. I need my alone time to recharge my batteries, though I do very much like my social time, too. While I can do small talk (at the grocery store, the library, or at after-Mass social functions) better than I used to, I really dig in when someone brings up a subject that is close to my heart.

Thanks for this post, Zoe! I wouldn't consider myself a "recovering introvert," either. I like being an introvert, though it can be challenging sometimes. I hate crowded places, as a rule--or any social gatherings with lots of people. The batteries drain more quickly in these environments, even if I don't do much talking myself. It's not hard to understand why my son, who has Aspergers, will duck into the bathroom to get away from busy and "loud" social gatherings.

Aaron and Sarah:

I don't know why Lange chooses the term "recovering introvert" in an article where he's actually praising introversion and calling others to appreciate it. It doesn't make sense. What does one have to recover from, if there's nothing wrong with introversion? Poor choice of words, unless I've missed something. It seems to me the key is to be a healthy introvert and avoid the extremes. The same goes for being an extrovert (which I am - but I'm married to an introvert.)

Steve & Kevin:

As for subjects for discussion... It makes sense that since introverts often have a more developed inner world, they prefer discussing weightier topics. But this does not necessarily bear out. I know plenty of extroverts who like to discuss things of substance, and numerous introverts who discuss the dullest minutia. Extroverts seem more skilled at small talk, but it's not always what they like to discuss. I think this is where personality and interests come into play... it's not just an introvert/extrovert thing.

Zoe,

That's why I think he just doesn't get it: he spends a couple paragraphs praising introverts for certain attributes or contributions they might have to offer, but the title and the last half of the article talk about "recovering" from "inhibitions." This sentence sums it up: "The problem with the introverted person is they become possessed by their own inner world." Oh really? Based on what? How can he tell whether I'm possessed by my own inner world, or fully enjoying myself by observing and thinking?

If an introvert doesn't want to dance while everyone watches, that's no more "extreme" than an extrovert who doesn't want to sit in the corner without anyone to talk to. Both are just who we are. His attitude seems to be that it's okay to be an introvert sometimes, but to be that way all the time is kinda creepy.

One time I was standing in a small group of people where a definite extrovert was doing most of the talking, and I hadn't said anything in a while. He turned to me and said, "You know, people like you who are so quiet make me nervous." I just smiled and said, "I know, that's why we do it."

Zoe, I'm not sure what you mean by "bear out". What percentage of, say, professional mathematicians would have to be extroverts before we decided that a person's interest in math wasn't related to where they fall on the introvert/extrovert continuum?

"But this does not necessarily bear out. I know plenty of extroverts who like to discuss things of substance, and numerous introverts who discuss the dullest minutia."

I didn't mean to imply it was an issue of substance vs. minutia. It just so happens that, in our society, religion and politics are not typically acceptable in mixed social gatherings. For men, you generally have to talk sports, business, or perhaps entertainment. You must be conversant in these or else your contribution to the group lasts about a minute or two.

I've never been able to share my interests in theology or politics with mixed groups, and I never intend to try, especially since I'm around academic (read: anti-Catholic) circles quite a bit. In academia, Catholic views and values are the enemy.

But this is why the Internet is great: I can find people *online* who want to discuss my interests. It's not perfect, but it's better than nothing.

That article stunk (not yours, the HuffPo one).

Why is it always on the introverts to "recover"? Maybe the extroverts should shut up for five minutes and let someone else talk.

I'm continually amazed at the lack of self-reflection on the part of extroverts.

Aaron, Lange clearly thinks he's an introvert and that the introvert's challenge is to not get wrapped up completely in his inner world. I think his suggestions are good if an introvert wants to avoid the dangers of his natural inclinations. What's missing here is advice to extroverts, which could be summed up very similarly... something like: Shut up once in a while. Don't be selfish. Give others an opportunity. Spend time alone. Dance when no one is looking.

I really should go into the bumper sticker business. Or sappy Hallmark cards.

Kevin, I don't know the answer to your question, and I have no stats. My comments were based on my own personal experience and work with clients over the years as both a counselor and coach. Certain professions/fields seem to attract more introverts (or extroverts) -- and that makes sense. But it's not a given.

As for conversation, Steve, it seems to me what you're talking about has less to do with introversion/extroversion and more to do with the culture, and finding like-minded people in one's environments. I happen to spend most of my time around people who discuss religion, politics, and other areas I find interesting. In some circles, however, it's not comfortable to discuss such issues because they can be contentious and emotional. So sports and entertainment are the "safe" things.

Your comment made my smile, Ann. Extroverts come in many shapes and sizes, however, and if they have some self-awareness, they learn to shut up and listen once in a while!

Thanks for the post! I like Lange's advice...I find the first 3 very do-able, the 4th...um...depends on the situation, and the 5th, perhaps I'll try golf. Then I'll be able to play at your tournament next year!

Jung also helped develop the modern idea of personality typing.

There are actually 8 different kinds of introvert and extrovert, using Meyers-Briggs. Introversion v. extroversion is not the only determinant of intelligence; a person can either be a sensor or an intuitive, a thinker or a feeler, a judger or a perceiver. The combination of these different categories can make for a slow-witted, uninspired introvert or a quick thinking, highly intelligent extrovert.

You are right about the Myers-Briggs - it does determine personality, however, it is not a measure of intelligence. There is no type that is more or less intelligent than others. Just wanted to clarify that. The Myers-Briggs is an interesting personality determiner, however; if you take it every 5-10 years, you can often see shifts in your own scores as your life and circumstances change.

When I spend a weekend socializing I am literally desperate to hit the couch with a book and be alone for an hour on Sunday night - it's something I must do to decompress, even though I've had a good time.

Also, I am loath to talk about myself at any social gathering so I welcome the extroverts. My least favorite question is, "So, what's new?". Exhausting. Inside I am saying, quick, think of something interesting or funny - ahhh, pressure! But I'll rattle on for hours about the state of the Church, etc.

I have a little book written by a priest in the 30's on the four temperaments (or humors). It's fascinating. The 4 temperaments are choleric, melancholic, sanguine and phlegmatic - choleric/sanguine are the extroverts, melancholic/phlegmatic the introverts. But the choleric is deep, the sanguine superficial, and the melancholic deep, the phlegmatic superficial.

Hence the reason why extroverts can be both lovers of chit chat or longing to speak of more meaningful things.

For those who may be interested, fisheaters.com has lots more on this topic and a test to figure out which one you are; most people are actually a combination of two, with one dominant over the other.

I could comment at length about this article, but I would rather just think it over for a while.

Zoe,

I'm just going to ignore that last line in your post (grins) and talk about some other controversial topic, hehehee!

Seriously, great discussion. I think one of the keys to truly understanding the difference is this line in your post, "The real difference between introverts and extroverts is how they renew themselves and where they feel most comfortable. Extroverts get their energy from other people and social situations -- the world outside themselves. Introverts get their energy from time alone -- the inner world."

My brother was a classic introvert - he vacationed alone to recharge his batteries. I, on the other hand, get totally jazzed in people situations. One of the greatest blessings in my life over the last several years has been meeting, in person, people I've only known on the internet, through email groups and blogs, etc.

Kamilla