I found this because I was having an "I hate homeschooling" moment so I googled, "who homeschools and hates it?" You are right on and so very encouraging. For this moment, this is the right decision, and I will press on. Thank you.

I've been having a "I hate home school" moment ... well, no, actually it's more than a moment. These feelings have been on-going since the beginning of this school year. I Googled "I hate home school" and saw your article.

I just want to say "THANK YOU" for being completely honest and transparent with your true feelings. I'm sitting in tear drop puddles reading this just knowing that someone else feels the same way sometimes.

This commitment I have made is hard and taxing and consumes my every bit of energy and time. I'm so, so tired and I miss "my" life so very much ... and that's okay and it is normal and I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Thank you again,
~ Kris ~
Mom & teacher to two teen boys and one preschooler and trying to "do it all" with an absent husband.

Today my two youngest and I went to the nursing home to sing Thanksgiving songs to the residents. At our side was an Evangelical family of ten children and a Mormom mom with three. We have five older children who went through Catholic school and onto public high schools (now all grown and gone). I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. I recently broke my leg and school has been accomplished in our bed. My kids (ages 7 and 9) have jumped in to help in ways that they never would have if they were at school. My older kids criticize us frequently - and some days I want to leave it all behind - but the blessings are truly amazing and are the things that keep me going.

Hi Danielle,

I remain in awe at, not only your ability to home school your children, but at your dedication to continue to do this with all of the distractions of just being a wife and mother.

I also LOVE the fact that you are being honest about your very human experience with motherhood and home schooling.

One question - do you take summers off (schooling that is)?

I think it's good for us homeschool moms to admit that this thing we're doing is a real and very demanding sacrifice, and that's it's not all joy and roses and sunlit moments of little faces raised up with a look of curious enlightenment. I think that this is because homeschooling is not an ideal, it's an emergency measure, something that we have to undertake, either because there is nothing better out there, or because we can't afford the alternatives.
School is not bad; on the contrary, the Catechism and other Vatican documents consistently underscore that parents and children have the right to access to good schools that will provide proper Catholic education, and which will respond readily to the needs and concerns of parents. But until that arrives in my jurisdiction with a price-tag that I can afford, I'm going to keep on struggling to do it myself...

I don't homeschool, but I am a SAHM and I feel this way a lot about being an at-home mother. I am very careful about what I say about it and who I say it to, lest it be used against me.

I have been homeschooling for 13 years and finally found something that might keep my sanity. I found a school that has part time homeschooling and school (and yes it is Catholic!) I homeschool two days a week and send the little energizer bunny the other three days. I hope more schools open up like this!

This is our first year homeschooling, after nine years at a private Catholic school. I very much love it and I very much hate it. My wife and I get a lot more quality time with the kids, but darn it we're tired! But it really comes down to this for us: it's better than the alternative.

Lee! Can you tell us more about this? This sounds like something I'd be interested in for my child. Do you have links to the school?

Homeschooling really is a love/hate relationship. It has so many positive benefits but it's such a sacrifice as well. Staying positive and having a solid support group of family and friends is important. The ups and downs can take it's toll, but with prayer and determination, it all works out for the best!

My older kids love the fact that they were homeschooled. I keep them home through 8th grade then send them to a great Catholic high school where Jesus also attends in the tabernacle in the school chapel.

This is year 15 for me. Even after all these years and with only 3 left at home, I've gone through the debate in my head: should I send them all to school next year? Then, I'd have my days free to pray, write, exercise and clean. As usual, when I'm done considering the option of getting a regular paycheck to afford the extra tuition at the Catholic school or the free yet not-Catholic public school option, I end up convinced that I'm doing what God is calling me to do.

After thinking of all my free time, the reality of what we will all lose starts to hit me. Then, once again, I come away more committed than ever. In year 9, due to a book deadline breathing down my neck, a jr high student that kept me on my toes and a 2-yr old that was always on his, I actually did put my 2 daughters in 2nd and 4th grade while I worked with the 3 boys at home, (I had three in high school and one in college then.) I felt so very overwhelmed and feared the kids were all losing.

By the end of the year, we were back homeschooling everyone again. It became clear to me that there was more to be gained spiritually and emotionally at home together. And in the end, somehow, the academics have always done well too.

Thanks for a post every homeschooler can understand.

I homeschooled my grandson one year, he had stayed back in 6th grade mostly for fooling around which he gained poor grades. The whole year I worried if I was teaching him enough, but, thouroughly enjoyed our trips to museums and historic places, we live near Philadelphia, Pa. We had a memoriable trip to Washington, DC and won't memtion the number of times we crossed the Potomac, he certainly knows where that river is, just trying to find a parking spot. Went to the Smithsonian. Trips to North and South Carolina, knowing what states we went through, discussing them, the mountains, rivers, cities, etc. Also learned how smart he really is, how diverse learning can be, it's not just in the classroom. I gave up after 1 year, he was tested to go back into the public school, and, skipped 7th grade and went into 8th, graduated and is now doing well as a freshman in HS. Don't know where he would be if I continued teaching him, my lack of confidence in myself, but my one year homeschooling, I don't think can be evaluated at any level for what Grandma Clare and grandson Joe got out of our year exploring our world together.

Melinda Selmys,
Come to the diocese of Wichita, KS! We have no tuition. You just need to be a parishoner who practices the stewardship of time, talent, and treasure in order to send your kids through our schools. My best friend growing up came from a bankrupt family, and there was a never a problem sending all 6 of their kids to school. I'm including a link if you're interested. God bless you!
http://cdowk.org/offices/schools/index.htm

Oh, Danielle, you got this right (even if you don't get anything else right!).

Thanks for saying what we all feel on any given day, any given moment. But, isn't that life? I could say the same thing at times about: marriage as a whole, marriage to my dh, large family life, stay at home life, even (heaven forbid) being a faithful Catholic :-).

I'm saving this for my next 'why am I doing this, again??' day!

Thanks Danielle for a great article to keep me in check. Having just started homeschooling my 4th, 2nd and K we are still in the honeymoon phase. I just KNOW that February is coming and we're gonna have some bad days(hopefully not bad weeks but I'm not counting it out). But even with the chaos of it all I still have this tremendous deep peace knowing that this is where God is calling us to be right now.

I really do love what I do and the time and energy I put into my kids! This is our 9th year and, in spite of having some misgivings about academics, I wouldn't trade the character training and love that has resulted in our home. I have a 26 year old that graduated from a Catholic school with a good education - and a very worldly attitude. Thankfully, she's back and loves the Lord. She's watched her siblings lives unfold and is planning to home school my two grandchildren.

It is work to home school and I've had many tell me, "I couldn't do what you do." I respond that I couldn't work the job that they do, and it's true. I've had to work and leave my kids before so I'm fully aware of the juggling a working mom does. It's very simply that, we do what we decide to do. Everything in life has trade offs - some just cost you more than others. I have a blast with my kids and love being immersed in their sports world, which, by the way, is played in a wonderful Christian Home school Sports organization.

There are challenges in every area and there are successes in them, too. I know that God has called me to this and that he will cause the fruit in my children and be sufficient where I fail. Yes, I do fail but the rewards have already outnumbered the disappointments.

I reflect heavily on my own public school experience, my daughter's private school experience, my older son's mixed experience and especially on the current experience I share with my 13 and 16 year old daughter and son. I look at the incredible friends they have and how they're not embarrassed to walk through a store with me with their hand in mine or their arm around my shoulder. I watch their faith and knowledge grow and I'm content. I'm also motivated to try harder and to inspire them to work to their abilities.

In the end, I know that nothing can replace the relationships and the trust we've built together. We have no socialization issues - such a misnomer! We do so many things I spend plenty of time saying, 'No thank you' when the opportunities for socializing arise.

I'd encourage you to look at these people that you have brought into this world and enjoy them to the fullest. You won't be sorry for giving up other activities when you begin to reap the benefits of a truly cohesive family unit. This time goes by quickly and you'll never get it back.

God bless you all in your journeys and those of you who are discerning God's call for your families. Read the books, check out the curriculum available, and for heaven's sake, do yourselves a favor and go to a good home school conference. You'll get to meet so many people that have graduated very successful students that are going on to worthy colleges that will share their stories with you! Amen!

I chose Catholic school because of the interaction my sons have with fellow students, different teachers each year and I feel this prepares them for their future. I need the daily quietness at home, the time to work p/t, and I still get to aide them with homework. During the school year I like that my children attend First Friday Masses and Holy Day Masses with their friends at school. I like that they get to eat lunch with friends and play on the school grounds together. I like the sports programs that they patricipate in. My older son completed his Catholic education with 4 yrs. at a Jesuit H.S. and 4 yrs. at a Jesuit College. He's now very happy serving our country in D.C.
The beauty of this country is that we get to choose what is most appropriate for our own families education wise. For me, Catholic School was the better choice.
P.S. However, I do sub-teach at a Catholic School and I love it! And.....I wonder how Danielle can micro-manage teaching 8 different grade levels, with about 6 different subjects all in one day??? God Bless You!

I homeschool my four children and it is exhausting. I feel like I barely have a minute to breathe most of the time. I have to stay on them all the time to do their work. I put out one fire and another one pops up.

If that's bad enough, I have to put up with well-meaning relatives and friends giving me the condescending, "They really should be in a school" opinion--which is never solicited.

Sometimes, by mid-afternoon I a so tired that I can hardly function. But somehow I do.

Yes, I hate it.

But I love my children. And no matter how bad it is sometimes, I know that Hell is much worse, the Hell I risk for not living up to my responsibilities to form my children as Catholics. I can't trust any Catholic school around HERE to do it. I also think of the Hell I would put my children at greater risk for if I failed.

But I have leaders who have shown me what to do. St. John Vianney always comes to mind. He didn't get enough sleep. He didn't even eat enough. He worked himself to death sitting in a confessional for hours on end. And he did it for love.

I am no saint, but that's what I'm called to be. My children are called to be saints. The careers and all the other things are nice, but first, and foremost, we are called to be saints.

As long as I remember that, there is nothing left to discuss with anyone.

I was a career mom when my eldest daughter was born. Worked long hours and barely had a relationship with her. She went to public schools and by middle school, I realized it was NOT a good choice for her.

I am now a homeschool mother in my 40's with a middle schooler and an 2nd grader. I would not trade this life for anything in the world. It is worth every sacrifice and every challenge. This year I have started going to mass daily with my children and what a difference it has made in our life. The closer I am to our Lord Jesus Christ and our beautiful Catholic faith, the happier and more relaxed I am. I love your article as we all have times of anxiety, but we know it will all be worth it!!

Happy Homeschooling!!!!!

Loved your column, as usual, Danielle. I find it true with any of my duties in life that I sometimes love 'em and sometimes hate 'em.

We're in our 14th year of home schooling our nine children. Our oldest, a daughter who is almost 19, graduated from "Giorgio Academy" a year early - and we didn't ruin her! Yipee! Actually, she is doing very well in her second year of nursing school, is a hard worker, and most importantly, a confident, happy young Catholic woman with her head on straight.

I wanted to divulge my secret weapon in being able to home school so many different grade levels for so long. My youngest is four, so I don't really count her in yet but I do have eight grade levels right now because we also home school our piano teacher's daughter three days a week. So I have grades 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, and 11. My secret weapon is this: we hired help several years ago and haven't looked back. Don't delete this yet - I know most of you are thinking that you can't afford help! But here's what we do, and it's way cheaper than sending a pile of kids to Catholic high school (in our area that's 8-10K per kid per year) or even grade school. We started out paying a friend two days a week to come from 9am-1pm to work as a teacher's aid. That's only 8 hours a week, at $12/hour (we round it to $100/week). I don't do a full 36 weeks but even if I did that'd be $3600/school year, much cheaper than sending kids to private school. My friend basically is a second "me". She and I circulate through the school room the whole morning helping kids with problems, grading work, giving spelling tests, etc. We actually have help three days a week now and it truly is what helps me to stay on top of all of the school stuff as well as the housework. It is also what keeps me saying "I love to home school" more days than not.

I encourage other moms who are struggling to stay on top of things to consider your budget carefully to see where you can fit in some hired help. Home schooling has been much more enjoyable for me with a friend at my side a few days of the week to share the burden.

Just what I needed to read this morning! Thank you, Mrs. Bean, for putting into words the many feelings I have about homeschooling my 4 children. I am saving this in my favorites to read when I need a boost!

God bless you,
Sincerely,
Donna L.

I'm a convert to Catholicism. I was baptised Orthodox, was nominal in practice (it was my grandparent's "thing"), married a Novus Ordo ("kumbye-ya") Catholic in 1990 - and converted to Catholicism in 2000.

I've homeschooled our two children for their entire lives, minus a 2 month experiment with public school when my oldest was 6. It's been difficult at times ... and I realize that I don't have a large family (unfortunately ) like most of you - but it's been worth it.

There have been plenty of sacrifices along the way... those sacrifices started when I had children when none of my "friends" did ... then I stayed at home with them when none of my friends did ... then when I homeschooled them when none of my friends did.

We moved from a large city to a small mountain town ... pop. 3,500. There are no other Catholic homeschoolers here. There are no homeschool groups. The entire community is wrapped around the public schools and the sporting events.

I also realized that we'd probably feel out of place in a community with a larger, traditional Catholic population, because we only have 2 children and we'll be alone within a couple of years.

But our children are smart, mature, faithful, honest, hardworking, self-sacrifcing, cheerful, happy, confident, modest and chaste. They love God and they love their family.

That in and of itself is worth every lonely moment, every feeling of isolation that I've ever experienced.


Remember, ladies, time waits for no one. Soon enough, even those of you blessed with large families ... will find yourselves without children in your home. You will undoubtedly yearn for those days, hardships and all.