1. The Gordon Gekko Scale of Greed
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...old of Hanna's book and keep it by your bedside, alongside Co-Dependency for Dummies.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

2. The Generosity of Tolkien
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...s Father Zossimov promised Alyosha Karamazov, "Beauty will save the world."   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

3. Test Your Envy
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...at, too, if you intruded on his confidence. Unless he simply punched you in the face.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

4. Lilies that Fester: Spiritualized Envy
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

..."diversity." We all know their side-effects, both for society and the soul.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

5. Are You a Tree Sloth?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... all right -- he's called "the accuser" -- but he plays for the Other Team.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

6. Mao Tse-Tung's Greed for Mayhem
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...science. Marxism is that brutal."   For once he was telling the truth.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

7. What's Your Lust Index?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...a Boulding. This last book is one of the best I've ever read, so of course it is out of print. John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

8. The Wrath of Dogs
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... of Wrath.   As is clear from the crimes I've recounted elsewhere of Stalin against humanity and Zmirak against civility, Patience is the virtue most conducive to social peace. However, Patie...

9. Are You Temperate, Insensible, or Insatiable?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... you grind that basil with a mortar into a pesto, try to offer your work as a prayer.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

10. Let the Season of Begging Begin!
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...e family, and the Church itself. Robert Reilly continues his outstanding reviews of classical music; John Zmirak and Anthony Esolen excel at the mostly lost art of cultural criticism; Danielle Bean an...

11. 'Tis the Season for Temperance
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...ognize as food," which rules out stuff like the dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets that appeared on the Zmirak family Thanksgiving table in 2004 -- for instance. Drawing on all these sources, o...

12. Stalin's Trollop: The Envy of Lillian Hellman
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...uot; he said. "Everybody's afraid of Lillian, and nobody really likes Mary."   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

13. A Most Diligent Mother: Angelica
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...shes will someday be able to tune into "Eternal Life with Mother Angelica."   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

14. The 'Art of Sloth' is big business
(MyBlog/MyBlog)

As if to reinforce his point, mere hours after John Zmirak wrote yesterday that "No man in history, not even P. T. Barnum, could equal Andy Warhol for turning crap into cash," Warhol's

15. Andy Warhol's Art of Sloth
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...n history, not even P. T. Barnum, could equal Andy Warhol for turning crap into cash.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

16. Gluttons for Power
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...ded all treatment for his cancer and died just eight days later. He'd had his reward.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

17. How Vain Is Your Glory?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...only way, of writing a "thank you" card to the beloved Friend who gave them.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

18. The Vanity of Ayn Rand
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... dismantled to form the decorations for their chapel. Now it's time for the fun part, which we might call Zmirak's Inferno: Digging through the annals of history to find an Olympic-level practitioner ...

19. Solzhenitsyn: Icon of Patience
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...way through the thousands of pages the great man has written. Every word is worth it.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

20. Role Model for Wrath: Josef Stalin
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...oop, but few of us easily pass by a bloody throne without fighting the urge to kneel.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

21. A New Patron Saint for Chastity?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... as any monk or martyr. I cannot think of a worthier model today for all the married.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

22. Baptism Is Not an Economics Degree
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...he guidance of the Church. "He who is not with me is against me" (Mt 12:30).   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

23. Shall the Weak Inherit the Smurfs?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...nds, is why Christ gave us, poor lambs, pastors. Would that all were as wise as mine.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

24. Blessed Are the Sweaty
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... slump, and turn in stuff we think of as "good enough for government work."   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

25. Rescue Me?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...boat recedes, flaming, into the distance, I will sit a lonely Kaddish for Crouchback.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

26. Why Is College So Expensive?
(MyBlog/MyBlog)

...s recently felt their wallets lighten significantly with the start of the new school year, which got John Zmirak wondering: How can prices be falling everywhere but academia? In fact, tuition continue...

27. Chastity: Silk Vestments and Fishnet Stockings
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... pay all those bills. At such times, living on a pillar might not sound all that bad.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

28. Please Allow Me to Humiliate You
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...t as a humility chemo. And myself, I'm kind of vain about my nice brown head of hair.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

29. Liberality vs. 'Reality'
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...Thanksgiving Day balloon filled with methane. And here comes Jesus, with a blowtorch.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

30. Conserve Your Liberality
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...bject. Next week I'll go into a lot more depth about the real thing, rightly ordered.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

31. Put the 'Mag' Back in Your Animus
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...ailable only at Big and Tall soul shops. Be warned: They're hazardous to your health.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

32. Magicians Trapped Inside Monkeys
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...ith your college-age son or daughter. Ze will thank you for giving hir all the facts.   John Zmirak is editor-in-chief of Choosing the Right College, and Writer in Residence at Thomas Mor...

33. Sneaking Back into Eden
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...o hapless foreigners, or future generations.   Nice work if you can get it.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

34. Your Life Is a Gift
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...ld hide. On this point I must say respectfully to His Holiness: Not in this lifetime.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

35. In the Spirit of St. Thérèse
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... No, non serviam, Lord! I am not some cringing servant. So, non serviam, Lord."   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

36. Losing Your Temperance
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... while placing a bet on the phone with your bookie. Yes, soccer moms, this means you.   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

37. Patience, for Christ's Sake!
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... instance, He had zero time for liturgical innovations . . .   But I digress.   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

38. Praying with the Kaisers
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...ome respite from all the Progress we've enjoyed. Blessed Karl I, ora pro nobis.   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

39. Death's Hand on the Tiller
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

... of Dr. George Tiller. Myself, I'm a little bit more concerned for Franky Schaeffer's.   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

40. Our Lady on the Highway
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...a smile. Which only, by the way, makes him madder. Some virtues are their own reward.   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

41. President David Duke's Appearance at Howard University
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...p Williamson offered both in abundance. Unfortunately, America's black leaders do not.   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

42. Smash the Secular State
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...e Ron Paul -- even if some of our fellow travelers are packing heat or smell of weed.   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

43. Bless Your Heart, Tramp!
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...did. She would have said, "Sweetie, you need to watch yourself some soaps."   John Zmirak is author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-in-Re...

44. Anybody Need a Used Laetare Medal?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...earch. But at least I wouldn't end up in Guantanamo. Some things really have Changed.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

45. But What about My Toys?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...nd the innocence of a child, "for of such is the kingdom of God" (Lk 18:16).   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

46. The Pope of Unity
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...dict has labored for unity -- not uniformity -- in belief and in charity; not an easy feat, when, as John Zmirak quipped, the pope is "trying to run a Church that makes room for [Los Angeles Card...

47. Psychomachia: Qu'est-ce Que C'est?
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...surety of faith that in the virtues we can find snark -- for those of us who need it.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

48. A Very Long Lent
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...sultan, and beg for your protection."   A long Lent, and more to come.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

49. If You Must Drive Drunk, Please Wear a Seatbelt
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...nd chances are you'll get home in one piece.   Okay, I'm open for questions.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...

50. Brideshead Redecorated
(Crisis Magazine/Feature)

...lish Catholic novelist of the century. We musn't blame the instruments, or the Author.   John Zmirak is the author, most recently, of the graphic novel The Grand Inquisitor and is Writer-i...